In the past couple days I have had several inquiries regarding my discussing my personal and marital struggles openly, with those around me and the public. Before American Grit airs on Sunday, let me take a moment to clarify, educate, shed some light, and most importantly THANK!!
You see, I haven’t-don’t and will never say things behind people’s backs. This post will be specifically relating to my former spouse who for purposes of this article we will refer to as SPOUSE and some comments that are getting back to me. 🙂
First let me say that in my opinion my choices are mine. I don’t need approval from you or anyone else. I am a grown adult and I get to make the choices I want- whether they are good or bad. WITH THAT SAID THOUGH—
I absolutely 100% from the very moment I applied for American Grit, spoke with my spouse. I didn’t do anything behind his back. I was completely honest, forthcoming, and transparent about wanting to apply to the show, why I wanted to, the things I would discuss etc.
While my spouse wasn’t thrilled–and right fully so- I had his full support. He was present for several of my interviews and even participated in his own interviews as well as joint interviews done by the TV show.
Back up a second, rewind, let me further explain a few things. You see, over a year ago in the midst of the most painful and earth shattering experience of my adulthood-as my children’s worlds were being ripped apart and I was falling apart at earth shattering speeds- one of the mistresses and her family began to attack me in heinous vile ways. My looks were attacked stating things such as: my face was ugly as hell, my boobs were saggy, I was fat, etc. My profession was attacked: accusing me of making threats I never ever would make, making comments about how I was a therapist and I couldn’t even keep my husband from straying etc. If I had kept him satisfied etc.
Then my name was plastered on multiple websites, along with pictures comparing the two of us.
One of the mistresses would send me pictures of her saying how she knew my husband was saying she was “fat” but she wasn’t and how she was loosing weight and wanted me to see her progress WTF. Not that it matters but mind you, of course she was using old pictures or pictures of her after the affair was over and she had lost weight. Refer to an older post to hear my thoughts on this….but it is what she was doing and so I am stating it as a fact here. Again not that it matters.
Okay, so that’s the back story. So fast forward- I am in an affair support group (an amazing group at that!) and the tv show posts a flyer in the group for the casting call. I did not do anything behind my spouses back. At any point he could have voiced that I wasn’t to do this, or he wasn’t supportive etc. Instead, he explained how he was not thrilled with it BUT SUPPORTED me and my decision if I really felt like it was something I wanted to do…. AND IT WAS!!!
The interview process continued and as I made it through each round he continued to SUPPORT me. He and I have discussed in private many times my feelings, hurt, pain etc….and the words that may or may not be aired will be no surprise to him.
I didn’t go on to punish him, I didn’t discuss our marriage to punish him. QUITE THE OPPOSITE. I went on FOR ME!!! For once I was doing something for me…!!!
I am eternally grateful for his support. He could easily have put a stop or pulled the plug on it at anytime and I would have respected his decision and request.
In one of the posts plastered online it is said, “Then the wife/husband team will threathen you and your children. Then she will lead you to think they are getting divorced and yaddi. However they are married and happily ever after. Anyways till the next. They are moving so dodge this team duo!”
When that was first written and I learned of it—my heart absolutely sank and I was devastated with anger and thoughts of how f**king dare you. First, you have no idea of the state of my marriage. She clearly had no idea–as we weren’t even living together when that post was written.
Then calling us a duo and a team… I WAS ENRAGED!!!! BUT BUT BUT after I allowed myself to heal and process my world and trauma and pain….. I am honored to say she is right. We are a team! Regardless of the state of our marriage, we are a team! We have beautiful children together and for the rest of their lives we are a team CO-PARENTING these children together. We are a team–just not the team she deliriously had her in head or heart of hate.
Side note: I later would learn that this particular mistress and her husband split up and made the newspaper for a domestic violence argument and that she later lashed out using the courts.
That isn’t the team I want to be!!! No need for that irresponsible, immature, nonsense. I am sad about this for their kids.
I am a firm believer that just because your marriage didn’t work doesn’t mean that a co-parenting relationship can’t work. So, we are a team-respecting one another and co-parenting our kiddos together. No body is perfect, I have my issues and my “spouse” has his issues. It doesn’t make anyone better then the other. While it isn’t easy we are both committed to remaining friends and kicking ass at co-parenting our kids together.
When I recently booked one of our usual photo shoots, it was instinctive and I didn’t hesitate…. our kids would have both their parent’s in these pictures. When the photographer, who had no idea we weren’t together, said okay let’s get pictures of mom and dad- we didn’t make it awkward or say anything. We had some fun and took pictures of mom and dad while our kids watched. When I look around my home and see many pictures of both parents throughout the kids lives around on the walls- it fills me with peace and gratitude that my kids are experiencing the effects of a positive co-parenting relationship.
Either of us could easily be bitter and nasty and make this much much worse then it is but we are putting in the hard work to keep it about the kids and it shows. I value and appreciate my spouse for standing behind me as I went on American Grit! THAT’S A TEAM AND DUO and I am proud to be part of it!